Are Stay-At-Home Moms Happier or Struggling with Depression? 16 things to consider:
Are Stay-at-Home Moms Happier or struggling with depression?
“There’s no point in having kids unless you stay home with them” -an actually sentence said to me (unsolicited) while I was pregnant with my daughter.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for over a year and a half. A homemaker four years longer than that.
And let me tell you EVERYONE has an opinion on this “Will-she-won’t-she go to work?” debate. And no matter what you choose, your choice will be “wrong” to some people.
Since some stay at home mom seem like the happiest people on the planet, while others are flat out miserable, how can we know what the best choice?
The answer depends on your culture, situation, personality, values, goals, finances, support system, job quality, the list goes on and on and on.
Anyway, since this is a question of balance that I’ve long struggled with myself. I did some reading and here’s what I’ve found:
So how can you find out what works best for you and your family? Well, one way is to look at what research says about being a stay at home mom vs. a working mom. Here are some of the pros and cons of each option, based on studies and surveys:
Pros of Being a Stay at Home Mom
Your child’s school performance may improve. According to a study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, children of stay at home moms tend to have higher academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems than children of working moms¹.
Your child may have less stress and aggression. A study by the University of California found that children of stay at home moms had lower levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) and aggression than children of working moms².
You may have more involvement in your child’s day-to-day life. You can witness their milestones, share their joys and sorrows, and be there for them when they need you.
You may feel good about your choice to stay home. Many stay at home moms find pride in their job because of what the science says: children with one parent at home grow up happier and more fulfilled³. Stay at home moms feel good that they get to give to their children and meet their needs exclusively.
Want to read more about the pros of being a stay-at-home mom? Read this: 5 Incredible Benefits of Being a Stay at Home Mom
Cons of Being a Stay at Home Mom
You may desire to go back to work. A Pew Research Center survey found that 51% of stay at home moms said they would prefer to work outside the home if they could⁴. Some stay at home moms may miss their careers, income, social interactions, and sense of identity.
You may have higher levels of sadness, depression, and anger. A Gallup poll found that stay at home mom depression may be a real issue as stay at home moms reported more negative emotions than working moms⁵. (Which can lead to mental health issues.) Some stay at home moms may feel isolated, bored, unappreciated, or overwhelmed by their responsibilities.
Something that definitely helps you keep your sanity is if your little have plenty to do. See this article for ideas! 16 No-DIY Activities Toddlers: Fun, Easy and Cheap Ways to Keep Your Little One Busy
You may lose income and career opportunities. Staying at home means giving up your salary, benefits, retirement savings, and chances for promotion. It may also make it harder to re-enter the workforce later on if you want to or need to.
You may have less support from society. Stay at home moms may face stigma, stereotypes, or criticism from others who don’t understand or respect their choice. They may also have less access to resources or services that working moms enjoy.
Pros of Being a Working Mom
You may have more income and financial security. Working outside the home means earning money that can help you pay the bills, save for the future, and enjoy life more. It also means having more options in case of emergencies or changes in circumstances.
You may have more fulfillment and satisfaction outside the home. Working outside the home can give you a sense of purpose, achievement, and recognition. It can also allow you to pursue your passions, interests, and talents.
You may have more social interactions and support. Working outside the home can help you meet new people, make friends, network, and learn from others. It can also provide you with mentors, role models, and allies who can support you in your personal and professional growth.
You may be a positive role model for your child. Working outside the home can show your child that you are capable, confident, and independent. It can also teach them valuable skills such as responsibility, teamwork, and problem-solving.
Cons of Being a Working Mom
You may have less time and energy for your child. Working outside the home means spending less time with your child during the day, which can affect your bonding and communication. It also means having less energy for your child after work, which can affect your quality of time together.
You may have more stress and guilt. Working outside the home can be demanding and exhausting. It can also make you feel guilty for leaving your child in someone else’s care, or for missing out on their activities and events.
You may have more conflicts and trade-offs. Working outside the home can create conflicts between your work and family obligations. It can also force you to make trade-offs between your career and your child’s needs, such as choosing between a promotion and a school play.
You may have less control over your child’s care and development. Working outside the home means entrusting your child to someone else, such as a daycare provider, a nanny, or a relative. It also means having less influence over your child’s learning and growth.
The Bottom Line
So, which is it? Are stay-at-home moms happier or struggling with depression?
As you can see, there are pros and cons to both being a stay at home mom and a working mom. The key is to find what works best for you and your family, based on your own situation and preferences. There is no right or wrong answer, only what makes you happy and fulfilled.
So, are stay at home moms happier than working moms? Well, it depends. Some are, some aren’t. Some may be happier at different stages of their lives or their children’s lives. Some may change their minds over time. Some may find a balance between the two options, such as working part-time, freelancing, or starting a business from home.
Whatever you choose, remember that you are doing the best you can for yourself and your child. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. Don’t compare yourself to others or judge yourself harshly. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and enjoy your life. You are a great mom, no matter what!
This is far from a definitive list, but the conclusion I draw is this: balance is key. For me, that means working part time so I have something outside of caregiving 24/7, and staying home “part time”. So I spend plenty of time with my precious baby and still have some time to build something for myself.
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Thanks friend!
Until next time
If you liked that article, you will like this:
¹:Working Mothers Press Release
²:Study Finds Stay at home moms have more positive emotions
³:Working vs stay at home mom debate
⁴:Pew research stay at home mom
⁵:Gallop Stay-at-Home Mom Happiness Research
(1) Stay at Home Mom vs. Working Mom: Are Stay at Home Moms Happier?.
(2) Are Stay-At-Home Moms Happier? | Psychology Today.
(3) What Research Says About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom – Verywell Family.
(4) Are Stay at Home Moms Happier Than Working Moms?
(5) Are Stay-at-Home Mothers Really Miserable? – Institute for Family Studies.