5 Ways to Defeat Depleted Mother Syndrome: What It Is and How to Overcome It

What is Depleted Mother Syndrome?

Have you ever felt completely exhausted? As if everything you do takes so much energy you might as well be trudging through jello? If so, you might have depleted mother syndrome.

DMS, also known as mom burnout, is a condition that can occur when mothers do not get enough support and assistance in their parenting role. It is characterized by physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment caused by the intense and never ending demands from child rearing. Mothers with DMS may feel downtrodden and disconnected from their children and their lives.

Other common symptoms include feelings of inadequacy, a sense of being overwhelmed, and fears of not being good enough.

DMS is obviously a huge problem. Mothers with DMS are at high risk for depression, anxiety, insomnia, irritability, low self-esteem, and even, sadly, substance abuse. They may also have difficulty bonding with their children, providing consistent and responsive care, and enjoying the beautiful part of parenting. Children of mothers with DMS are at higher risk of suffering from behavioral, emotional, and developmental problems, such as aggression, insecurity, low self-confidence, and poor academic performance.

What Causes Depleted Mother Syndrome?

DMS is not a personal failure.

It stems from a cascade of systemic issues, most of which are outside of our control.

Depleted mother syndrome is more common than you might think. According to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, 68% of mothers reported feeling stressed about parenting, compared to 47% of fathers. Moreover, depleted mother syndrome can be triggered or exacerbated by many factors, a few are as follows:

• Lack of social support from family, friends, and community
• Unrealistic expectations from society, culture, or oneself
• Isolation and loneliness
• Financial difficulties or job insecurity
• Relationship problems or marital conflict
• Health issues or chronic illness
• Multiple or special needs children
• Sleep deprivation or poor sleep quality
• Hormonal changes or imbalances
• Loss of identity or sense of self

The good news is that DMS is not a permanent or irreversible condition.

There are many ways to prevent, cope with, and overcome depleted mother syndrome.

We can have real joy as mothers, even if we’ve lost it for a time.

Let’s will explore some of the strategies and tips that can help deal with depleted mother syndrome and improve our well-being.

If you’re wanting your time to stretch a little further, see here: Ultimate Guide for How to Plan Your Day and Stay Productive

Strategies and Tips for Overcoming DMS

When to Seek Professional Help

If you are experiencing severe or persistent symptoms of depleted mother syndrome, such as

• depression
• anxiety
• suicidal thoughts
• or substance abuse

It is important to seek professional help as soon as possible. A qualified therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist can help you identify the root causes of your depleted mother syndrome, provide you with emotional support and guidance, and prescribe medication if needed. You can also join a support group or a therapy program that is specifically designed for mothers with DMS, such as Caron’s Mommy Matters or The Unappreciated Mom.

Practice Self-care

Self care is all-too-often forgotten and neglected necessity of life.

The longer we go without it, the more difficult it becomes to get stuff done. We need self care to be able to take care of our family without resentment.

Self-care can include:

• Getting enough sleep and rest
• Eating a balanced and nutritious diet
• Drinking plenty of water and staying hydrated
• Exercising regularly and staying active
• Meditating, praying, or practicing mindfulness
• Engaging in hobbies and activities that you enjoy
• Pampering yourself with a massage, a manicure, or a spa day
• Treating yourself with kindness and compassion
• Practicing gratitude for the good in our lives

Self-care does not have to be expensive or time-consuming. Even 30 minutes of self-care a day can make a huge difference in your happiness and motivation.

So try to incorporate self-care into your daily routine. Make it a priority.

Looking for Self Care Ideas? Here’s a Helpful Resource: 20 Invigorating Self Care Ideas

Ask For and Accept Help

Realistically, try as we might, as mothers we cannot do it all. If we don’t delegate, things inevitably fall by the way-side.

Asking for and accepting help shows strength and wisdom.

Strength because there is power in numbers. Wisdom because we know that with our limited time and energy, we can’t possible do EVERYTHING needed to help our children to thrive.

The saying has stuck around because it’s true: “It takes a village.”

Who can we ask for help when we need it? There are many people who are willing and able to help you, such as:

• Your partner or spouse
• Your children or siblings
• Your parents or in-laws
• Your friends or neighbors
• Your co-workers or colleagues
• Your babysitter or nanny
• Your teacher or mentor
• Your doctor or nurse
• Your therapist or counselor

You can ask for and accept help in various ways, such as:

• Delegating or sharing household chores and responsibilities
• Hiring or outsourcing professional services or assistance
• Seeking or receiving advice or feedback
• Venting or expressing your feelings and thoughts
• Requesting or accepting favors or hammy-downs

You should never feel guilty or ashamed for asking for help. You are not a burden or a nuisance. You are a human being who is constantly helping, supporting and caring for other tiny humans. We were never meant to raise children all by ourselves. That includes you.

Set Boundaries and Limits

You do not have to say yes to everything.

If you try to please everyone, you will end up pleasing no one at all.

It is our responsibility as mothers to say no to things that do not serve our family. To be truly happy and healthy, we MUST set boundaries and limits for ourselves and others. Some healthful boundaries to keep include:

• Saying no to requests or invitations that are not aligned with your values or goals
• Saying no to activities or tasks that are not urgent or important
• Saying no to people or situations that are toxic or harmful
• Saying yes to yourself and your needs and wants
• Saying yes to your dreams and aspirations
• Saying yes to your health and happiness

Setting boundaries and limits can help you protect your time, energy, and limited resources.

It can also help you avoid undue stress, resentment, and burnout. Setting boundaries and limits can be difficult, especially if you need to set them with close friends or family members.

What can help? In a word: Communication.

• Being clear and specific about what you want and what you don’t want
• Being assertive and respectful in your communication
• Being firm and consistent in your actions
• Being honest and authentic in your expression
• Being mindful and aware of your feelings and reactions
• Being supportive and understanding of others’ feelings and reactions

Setting boundaries and limits is not selfish or rude.

It is necessary.

It is also a way of showing respect for yourself and others.

Think of it this way: would you feel respected if your close friend told you kindly and directly what their situation is like? What they can and can’t do and why?

Likely you would feel closer to them.

Give your friends and family the benefit of the doubt that they will understand.

Connect with Those Around You

You are not alone.

You are not the only one who is experiencing depleted mother syndrome.

There are many mothers who are going through the same or similar challenges as you.

Connecting with others can help you feel less isolated and lonely. It can also help you gain perspective, insight, and support. Connecting with others can include:

• Opening up to your partner or spouse about your feelings and needs
• Talking to your children or siblings about your expectations and boundaries
• Venting to your parents or in-laws about your struggles and achievements
• Talking to your friends or neighbors about life
• Keeping up-to-date with your co-workers and how they’re doing
• Talking to your therapist or counselor about your goals and plans
• Joining or creating a support group or a club for mothers with DMS
• Joining or creating a social group or a club for mothers with similar interests or hobbies
• Volunteering or donating to a cause or a charity that you care about
• Traveling or exploring new places and cultures with your family or friends

Opening up to others can help you feel more understood and appreciated.

Of course we need to make sure we are also making an effort to listen to those around us as well, but as we build these friendships our joy will only increase.

We all need REAL, meaningful friendships to be happy. So this one is an absolute must.

Want Help Making New Friends or Just Keeping the Ones You Already Have? 15 Practical Ways to Meet Good Friends

Conclusion

Depleted Mother Syndrome is a condition that affects many mothers, but it is not a hopeless or helpless situation. There are many ways to prevent, cope with, and overcome DMS, and to restore your joy in raising your children.

By seeking the help you need, practicing self-care, setting healthful boundaries, and connecting with others in a meaningful way, you can feel better, be the mom you want to be, and truly live your best life.

You got this Mama!

Thanks for reading.

Until Next Time,

Emma

If you’re looking for more tips on how to truly thrive: How to Thrive and Not Just Survive as a Mom

Resources

Mom Burnout & Substance Abuse: What You Need to Know | Caron
Depleted Mother Syndrome: What it is and what you can do about it
The Unappreciated Mom: Understanding and Overcoming Depleted Mother Syndrome
Exhausted Mothers, It’s Not Your Fault that You Feel Like This
How to Avoid Depleted Mother Syndrome
What Depleted Mother Syndrome is and What You Can Do About it