How Meet the Challenge of Being a Married Single Mom – 7 Tips That Could Help Save Your Marriage

If you feel like you “do it all”, not in the I’m-rocking-at-life sense, but instead in the *heavy sigh* sense.

If you feel like you’d almost be better off without a partner because then you might get more support from other sources than you currently get from your spouse.

You might be a married single mom.

What is a Married Single Mom?

A married but single mom is a woman who is married but feels like a single mom because her husband is either absent, uninvolved, or unhelpful in the household and parenting tasks.

She bears the burden of taking care of the kids, the house, the finances, and sometimes even the income, without getting much support or appreciation from her spouse.

She may also feel lonely, resentful, and exhausted from carrying the weight of the family on her shoulders.

Dealing with married single mom syndrome is not easy. It can take a toll on your physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual health.

It can take wear on your relationship with your husband and your children.

Stress and overwhelm isn’t generally considered good for interpersonal relationships.

You may feel like you have no one to talk to, no one to lean on, and no one to share your true feelings with. You may also feel like you are missing out on the “team” aspect of marriage as well as the companionship, the intimacy, romance, and companionship that a healthy marriage would provide.

If this topic interests you, so might this: Will Stay-at-Home Mom’s Divorce?

How Can You Cope?

So what can you do if you are a married single mom? Here are a few things that might help.

Acknowledge your feelings.

Don’t bottle up your emotions or pretend that everything is fine.

Be honest with yourself and admit that you are unhappy with the situation.

Don’t Gaslight Yourself.

You have the right to feel all the feelings. Frustration, anger, saddness, anxiety, all of these are normal for this situation. You are not alone in this struggle. There are many other women who are going through the same exact thing.

Seek support. Find someone who can listen to you and empathize with you. Some suggestions:

• a friend,
• a family member,
• a therapist,
• or a support group.

Try to talk with someone who is mature enough to “see both sides” as it were. Someone who is balanced. Who understands and empathizes with you, but also doesn’t jump on the “burn everything down” mantality.

Talking to someone can help you feel less isolated, more validated, and even gain needed prespective. If you happen to find someone who lived through something similar and they found a positive course of action, perhaps you can benefit from their advice.

Feeling overwelmed? A good schedule can help. See The Ultimate Guide to a Stay-at-home Mom Schedule

Take care of yourself.

Being a single married mom is overwhelming and completely exhausting. Remember that you need a measure of self-care to keep up with the relentless pace of this kind of living. Try not to neglect yourself too much.

Us mothers can and do pour from an empty cup, but it’s not recommended.

Do something fro at least 15 minutes a day that makes you happy, relaxes you, or energizes you. Something like:

• Reading a book,
• taking a bath,
• meditating,
• exercising,
• or anything else that makes you feel good.

Set boundaries.

As much as it may seem like there is often no alternative, you don’t have to do everything by yourself.

Seek help from others if hubby isn’t up to the task of helping out. Perhaps one of the above mentioned people you confided in. Someone who understands what you’re dealing with will be a lot more likely to help you out when you need it.

Learn to say no to things that are not important or urgent. Try to delegate tasks to older children if you have them.

Don’t be afraid to speak up and express your needs and expectations clearly. You have the right to ask for respect, cooperation, and assistance from your spouse and your children.

Communicate with your partner.

As much as attempting this and causing friction might sound exausting, one of the main reasons why married single moms feel so alone is because they find it difficult or impossible communicate with their partners, so this step is essential.

They may assume that their partners know what they want or need, or they may avoid talking about their problems for fear of conflict or rejection.

Communication is key to any healthy relationship.

You need to talk to your partner about how you feel, what you think, and what you want from him and from the marriage. Don’t blame him or criticize him harshly; instead, use “I” statements and focus on your feelings and needs.

For example, instead of saying “You never help me with anything! You are so lazy and selfish!” say “I feel overwhelmed and exhausted by all the things I have to do every day. I need some help and support from you.”

Seek to understand his perspective; he may have his own reasons for being distant or uninvolved. Maybe he is stressed out by work, depressed by personal issues, or unaware of how much you are struggling. Listen to him with empathy and respect; aim to find some common ground and solutions you can work on together.

Rekindle the romance.

Being a single married mom can make you feel like you are just roommates or co-parents with your partner, rather than lovers or friends.

You may lose the spark that brought you together in the first place. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You can rekindle the romance in your marriage by

• spending quality time together,
• showing affection,
• giving compliments,
• expressing gratitude,
• doing fun things together,
• surprising each other with gifts or gestures,
• or spicing up your sex life.

Remember why you fell in love with him and what you appreciate about him. Remind him why he fell in love with you and what he admires about you.

Make your marriage a priority and invest in it every day.

Don’t Give Up!

Being a married single mom is a difficult but not a hopeless situation.

You can change it for the better by taking action and making changes.

If you are feeling hopeless about the state of your marriage, seek out couples counseling.

You deserve to have a happy and fulfilling marriage. With a lot of elbow grease, communication, and maybe even some therapy, you can acheive just that.

You deserve to have a partner who loves you, supports you, and shares the joys and challenges of life with you. You deserve to be a married mom, not a married single mom.

Thanks Bunches for Reading!

Emma

Resources:
15 Sad Signs You’re A Married Single Mom – YourTango.
The Term ‘Married Single Mom’ Explained – Parents.
Top 10 Signs You’re a Married Single Mom – Mary Carver.