Deciding to Be a Stay at Home Mom: An Unexpected Journey and 12 Things I Wish I Knew

Being a mom is one of the most rewarding and challenging roles in life.

But being a stay at home mom (SAHM) adds another layer of complexity and uncertainty to the mix.

How do you know if staying home with your kids is the right choice for you and your family?

How do you cope with the loss of freeness, career opportunities, and social interactions?

How do you balance your own needs and interests with those of your children and partner?

These are some of the questions that I faced when deciding to be a stay at home mom three years ago.

Why I Chose to Stay Home

Before I had my first child, I was very sick. I had problems that had to be seen by a plethora of Doctors who diagnosed me with anything from Lupus, to irritable bowel syndrome to chronic fatigue syndrome. None of there diagnoses perfectly explained what I was dealing with though.

I dearly wanted to be start a family. I have a loving and wonderful husband who I always knew would make a great father. But with my health the way it was, needless to say, I didn’t think I could care for a child very well.

The choice was made for us though, because despite taking EVERY precaution possible, those bright pink lines showed up one day when my period was late.

I was absolutely thrilled. I had prayed often and freverently that I could one day have a child of my own. Even if that child was adopted, I just had always had a deep seated desire to be a mother.

I knew it would be a hard journey but I also knew that my God can and will equip me for every challenge.

And I’m happy to report my husband was equally beyond himself with joy when I told him the news.

At that point our furture was a bit uncertain. How would we care for this new life? I hadn’t worked a “regular” job in 3 years due to my health, but I had done side hustles here and there to supplement our income. Would I need to get a job to help pay for the ever mounting expenses a new baby brings?

Me and my husband got right to work figuring it out. Fortunately, at the time, we had kept our expenses as minimal as we could. We try to live a modest life so we had been able to make ends meet with my husband working 4 days a week back then. We ran the numbers and if I were to get a job, the cost of daycare would eat up 90% of my take home pay. We decided my husband would start going to work full time and I would stay home with our new baby.

So personally, I kind of fell into being a stay-at-home mom due to convenience and not having a career that would be able to cover the cost of daycare.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s literally been my dream job to be a stay-at-home mom since I was 12 years old, but I honestly never thought it was in the cards for me.

That was a life someone else got to lead, not little young me.

Nearly three years later I am still going strong in this role of being a stay-at-home mom, and despite the drawbacks, I absolutely love it. I love it so much.

As inflation began to mount in 2022 and we needed more income to support our little family of three, it became apparent that I needed to begin bringing more income for the family (I’ve always had a few little side hustles, but the amoun t of income I would bring in was neglgable.)

Because I can’t abide by the thought of missing out on my little girls life, a non-negotiable in whatever I ended up doing was that I needed to do it from home. It needed to be flexible, and it needed to be something I can leave at the drop of a hat to care for whatever my toddler might need in that moment.

That’s how I started my blogging and YouTube journey.

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The Benefits of Being a SAHM

Being a SAHM has been a wonderful and rewarding experience for me and my family. Here are some ofreasons to be a stay-at-home mom: 5 Incredible Benefits of Being a Stay at Home Mom

I get to witness and participate in my baby’s development and milestones

I see her grow, learn, and discover new things every day. I teach her, play with her, and cuddle with her. I am her first teacher, her best friend, and her biggest fan.

I have more time and flexibility to manage our household and family life

I can plan our meals, do our laundry, and run our errands without rushing or stressing (most of the time.) I can also take care of our health, our finances, and our future.

I am the CEO of our home and I’m drunk with power.

I jest, but it is very enjoyable at intervals.

The flexibility from being a SAHM is great. See how to use it to the full. Stay at Home Mom Schedule: Ultimate Guide

I have more control and influence over my baby’s upbringing and education.

I can choose what she eats, (adequate nutrition is SO important. 17 Iron Rich Foods for Babies) what she wears, what she watches, and what she learns. I can expose her to different activities, cultures, and experiences. I can instill in her our values, beliefs, and traditions. I get to be her role model and guide.

I have a stronger bond and a better communication with my husband

We share the same vision and goals for our family and we support each other in our roles. We appreciate and respect each other’s contributions and sacrifices. We also make time for each other and have fun together. We are a team and that is a beautiful thing.

The Challenges of Staying Home

Being a SAHM is not a walk in the park. It is a full-time, demanding, and unfortunately sometimes a thankless job. It also comes with its own set of difficulties. Here are some of the ones that I have faced:

I struggle with my identity and my self-esteem

I wonder if I am still the same person that I was before I became a SAHM. To be honest, I fell very different, I question if I am still valuable, capable, and interesting in the eyes of others. I often feel invisible, irrelevant, and judged.

I deal with the financial and social pressure of being a SAHM

I worry about the financial aspects of life often. It’s tight having three people live on one income. I also face social judgement sometimes because people often disagree with me and my husbands dynamic.

I struggle with having enough energy so my husband helps a lot with out baby at night. And he helps with baby when he’s home even though he’s worked all day because we believe that what I do at the home is work too. Some very outwardly disagree.

Need more money? 10 High Paying Jobs Stay-at-Home Moms Can Do – Flexible, Profitable Jobs for Moms

I cope with the stress and the exhaustion of being a SAHM

I have to juggle many many tasks and responsibilities without any breaks or vacations. I have to deal with the constant demands of and angry toddler without getting to eat or use the bathroom when I need to. It takes a lot of energy to balance my own needs and the things I would like to do, with those of my family when I’m on my own most of the time. I sometimes feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and burned out.

Do you sometimes feel like you’re doing it all on your own? How Meet the Challenge of Being a Married Single Mom – 7 Tips That Could Help Save Your Marriage

Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Some ideas for you can make it works! Stay-at-Home Mom Lifestyle: How to Thrive and Not Just Survive

How I Make It Work

Being a SAHM is not easy, but it is possible and rewarding. Here are some of the tips and strategies that I use to make it work:

I set realistic goals and expectations for myself and my family

I don’t try to do everything or be perfect. I focus on what matters most and what makes us happy. I also try to make time to enjoy our achievements and appreciate our blessings.

I seek and accept help and support from others

I don’t try to do it all by myself or be a martyr. I reach out to my husband, my family, my friends, and my community for help and advice.

Want help making new friends (and keeping them?) 15 Practical Ways to Meet (and Keep!) Good Friends as a Stay at Home Mom

I pursue and nurture my own passions and interests

I try not to neglect or lose myself in my role as a SAHM. I carve out time and space for myself and my hobbies. (30 minutes a day, to be exact.) I also learn new skills and explore new things that challenge and inspire me.

You can make sure your scheduling time for yourslef by creating a self-care journal. 26 Things You Must Know About Self Care Journals

I take care of my physical and mental health

I don’t sacrifice or ignore my well-being for the sake of my family. I eat well, exercise regularly, and ammmaking strides all the time towards getting enough sleep. I also read my Bible daily, journal, and aim to practice gratitude. I do my best to treat myself with kindness and compassion.

Looking for self-care ideas? Look no further! 20 Invigorating Self Care Ideas for Stay at Home Moms

I make an effort to connect with other stay-at-home moms

since they can relate to what I go through and we help support eachother. It’s an added benefit that since they also have flexible schedules we all can hangout on weekdays! It’s nice to avoid crowds!

Mom.com is an excellent place to meet other moms!

Final Thoughts

Being a SAHM is a personal and complex decision that depends on many factors. There is no right or wrong answer, only what works best for you and your family.

Personally, staying home with my daughter has been one of the hardest and most amazing choices I’ve made.

I’m living my childhood dreams being a stay-at-home mom.

Thanks Bunches for Reading!

-Emma